Review: #thighgap by Chandler Morrison
I went into Chandler Morrison's #thighgap primarily blind but prepared to be provoked. I knew going in that it would be a departure from the author's earlier works, leaving behind the extreme violence and sexual depravity typically expected of him. Instead focusing on the plight of LA model Helen Troy as her eating disorder threatens to carve her in two.
Though cleansed of the typical gore, #thighgap is a brutal, cold read. I've never before read a book that captures what I felt like at the height of my disorder. Helen is a black hole of a human being. Purged of food and her "dead" self, she consumes pills and validation, attempting to fill the hollowness inside her as she threatens to collapse in on herself. There is no physical violence in the book, but there is torture; internal and self-inflicted.
Helen is insecure and materialistic and aching for human connection, something she believes can only be earned through her appearance. Her thinness. Her youth. #thighgap is glamorous but not glamorizing. Morrison is not afraid to get into the gross, messy, and confusing bits of the disease and the grotesque mind space it creates.
Helen is frequently fainting, suffering from headaches stamped out by a cocktail of drugs, and is frequently cold. She catalogs her consumption with clinical precision and obsesses over thinspo Twitter with a near orgasmic glee. (One of the thinspo sayings referenced is one I remember having saved to my own phone, for "motivation") When she seeks out aid she is belittled and ignored, or otherwise enabled on her quest to become one of the angels. The men Helen sleeps with liken her body to that of a child's, something they desire.
The horror elements are seamlessly incorporated into the overarching theme, presenting as Helen's divided sense of self. As her mind further deteriorates, so too do the dueling manifestations of her past and her future. Death is a constant presence in her life, something that conflicts with her LA lifestyle but cannot be ignored. The conclusion of Helen's descent into madness is nothing short of horrifying.
I did laugh through a lot of this book, however; which, if you're at all familiar with Morrison's work, won't surprise you. As always, I loved all the in-jokes from previous novels. The "Summer Priestly" character gave me a giggle, and one could play a drinking game with the number of times specific designer items are referenced throughout. It's enjoyably on brand.
Nothing about #thighgap reads as dishonest, it feels real in a way that's uncomfortable and raw. It's unkind. It's self-cannibalism. It's a view of beauty that devours one from the inside out.
#thighgap is part of the upcoming My Dark Library novella collection curated by Sadie Hartmann for Cemetery Gates Media.